


a bird in the hand

by decayofanova



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Anxiety, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 09:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30086763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decayofanova/pseuds/decayofanova
Summary: He’s supposed to be finding his old interests again. Things he liked to do before the cluster fuck that derailed his entire life and had him in psychiatric care for six months.His therapist said he’d never be able to go back to the person he was before, and honestly Goro isn’t entirely sure he wants to.But his old interests are safe. And today that’s enough.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	a bird in the hand

**Author's Note:**

> a short little thing based on a prompt I received. Enjoy!

He’s supposed to be finding his old interests again. Things he liked to do before the cluster fuck that derailed his entire life and had him in psychiatric care for six months. 

His therapist said he’d never be able to go back to the person he was before, and honestly Goro isn’t entirely sure he wants to. 

But his old interests are safe. And today that’s enough.

Today when Goro woke up to warm tears on his face, trying so hard to go back into the dream where he was safe and happy, he knew it was going to be a day requiring work. 

Recovery takes work. 

People can say many things about Goro, but no one can say he doesn't put a hundred percent of himself into his tasks. So he showered, drank his coffee, got out his old hiking clothes, laced his boots, left a note to not worry, and then just left. 

He probably looked weird on the train. A man ready to adventure into the woods next to other people in suits and school uniforms. But that was fine. Too long he spent trying to blend in. Trying to shove himself into boxes too small and misshapen for him. 

Goro loves the forest in the early morning. The air is crisp, the animals are cheerful, and there’s a certain sweetness to the air that he finds hard to track down any other time of day. He bypasses the safer beginner trails in favor of something more rugged that will keep his attention. 

That’s the whole point of coming out here, to keep himself from sinking into swirling thoughts. 

He thinks his therapists would be proud that he had been able to recognize the starting point. Though if he was really honest, it probably started yesterday afternoon when he saw a man who looked too closely like his old abuser.

And that’s what Shido was. An abuser.

Goro had abandoned his cartful of groceries and with his heart jack hammering in his chest made his way back to his apartment. He felt pathetic once the fear had faded and he was safe under blankets.

What twenty-six year old can’t buy food just because some stranger looked like someone that used to love beating his face in? 

Once he had said the words aloud, just like he’d been practicing, he realized it was an absolutely valid fear. But then the worries of what his boyfriend would say came right after. 

Apparently it had been just as silly as his first worry. That’s how it always was with Ryuji. Patient and understanding even if he didn’t really get a lot of things at first. But he waits and he listens to Goro ramble and stutter and wind a fist through his hair when he gets too overwhelmed. He’ll hold Goro and say they can just try something else. 

_We can just order our groceries. It's no big deal._

_We can take a different train, let’s get a soda at the machine first though._

_We can pick a new movie to play, don’t worry! Kinda shitty no one had a trigger list for it, but it’s all good._

Ryuji’s entire being was “all good.”

Ryuji Sakamoto was full of more kindness than Goro ever deserved and that was before Goro attacked his best friend. He certainly didn’t deserve even a glance from the man afterwards. Didn’t deserve Ryuji and the rest of his friends visiting him in the hospital. Almost a year later Goro is still waiting to wake up from a coma or something and find himself back in a gown and a white room. 

Okay, take a breath. 

Goro squats down onto slightly damp soil. He counts the things he can see in the forest, easy since there’s so much life. He listens to the wind rustling the leaves and the chattering of squirrels as they go up and down branches. He tastes the remnants of his caramel creamer mixed with a breath mint he got from the station. 

It grounds him. Reminds him that he’s here and alive and safe. His abuser is in jail, no one can get him. 

Certainties help. The sun will rise. His neighbors will fight every weekend and then have loud make up sex right after. Ryuji will swear he lost their keys and Goro will find them on the computer desk. 

He sticks with things that will happen when he gets too sucked into what ifs. 

And though he fights himself on it, he’s pretty certain Ryuji will love him today and tomorrow and the day after that because he hasn’t stopped yet. 

When Goro’s breath has calmed and his mind is cleared again, he continues his path down the unmarked trail. There’s steeper drops, less signs telling him where to go, and less people to get in his way. But that’s what makes it better.

Hours pass, based on the sun’s higher spot in the sky, when Goro finds a rock to rest on. He takes his backpack and places it on his lap. His water is still icy cold in the “fancy hiker” bottle Ryuji had gotten him last Christmas and it’s like a holy balm to his scorched throat. Once he finishes he wipes his mouth and grabs for a trail mix bar. 

He used to buy the ones with proteins and six ingredients or less, but once Ryuji’s mother started coming up with different creations for him to try he hasn’t found anything that’s tasted better. As he shoves the last bite into his cheek, Goro isn’t sure what makes him look down by his feet. He’s glad he did because if he had gone on to stand he surely would’ve crushed the bird beneath his foot. 

It was a tiny mess of tawny feathers, speckled with a little bit of blood. Likely from its wing that was facing the entirely wrong direction. Goro can’t help his morbid curiosity as he leans down to look. Chest rising and falling rapidly, Goro extends one finger to stroke gently along it’s good wing. 

He isn’t sure why he’s spending a second longer on this creature. But he can’t bring himself to move away either. It has to be in enough pain that it doesn’t know or care that it’s being touched.

The thought brings the image of a shaved head and glasses to his mind. 

_Count your breaths. Find the start, spiral back before you fall forward, okay Akechi-kun?_

That’s right. He’s safe in the forest. Shido is in jail. Ryuji’s waiting at home. And right before him is just a bird. It’s just a bird. Why does he care about it so much? Goro hadn’t intended to be this long so if he wanted to have more than one “Saturday Cinnamon Roll” left for him he needed to get going. 

Still as delicately as he can, Goro cups the bird in his palms, wide eyes staying trained on him. He looks around for a nest, a place he can dump the little baby back with its family and finish his hike.

“Where is your mother?” Goro wonders aloud. There’s no obvious signs of a full nest anywhere he looks and that’s even after checking beneath bushes. Whoever was in charge of this little bird definitely had checked out after their baby had shown its weakness. 

The bird lets out a sad little chirp as it tries to lift its wing once more. Something settles in Goro then. He’s not sure what spirit possessed him, but without jostling the bird in his hands, he grabs his bag and turns back down the path towards the way he came. 

\---

If Goro felt out of place on the train before it was worse now that he had a tweeting little bird in his lap. For someone who had been so quiet in the forest they had a lot to say now that they were trapped in one spot for fifteen more minutes. 

“Are animals even allowed on here?” Someone commented in a horrible mockery of a whisper. 

“They let you on didn’t they?” Goro snaps back. 

There were no more comments after that. 

Back inside their apartment building, Goro once again doesn’t know why he held onto the scrappy little thing the whole ride home. He doesn’t know why he picked it up in the first place. Yet here he is, outside his door, holding the baby bird and going over a way to explain it to Ryuji. 

How would he take it? It’s not that birds were a huge nuisance, but their building had a strict no pets policy. It still didn’t stop the blond from trying to get Goro a therapy dog every month though. They think their landlord is _this_ close to getting worn down enough. 

“Hey babe whatcha got?” 

Goro nearly jumps out his skin, but keeps his hold on the bird, when he feels a large hand settle on the small of his back beneath his hiking pack.

“Shit, my bad, it’s just me, look!” Ryuji’s face is full of guilt beneath the reassuring smile. He knows not to sneak up on Goro. Knows that a surprise could knock him back too many steps in his recovery journey and Ryuji will be damned if he is the one who fucks up his boyfriend’s progress.

“I’m sorry, I just…” Goro trails off still trying to catch his breath. 

“It’s okay, it’s my fault. I know better. Number?” Ryuji’s hand moves in slow circles where he can reach. 

“Three,” Goro answers. “I’m fine.” Ryuji nods happily now that he’s sure he didn’t set his boyfriend off into a fresh anxiety attack. 

“Good, okay. Great,” he kisses Goro’s bangs. The closeness of the stranger sets the bird off into new chirps. “Dude is that a bird? Why are you holding it?”

“Their mom just left them,” Goro blurts, cupping the bird tighter to his chest. “Just left them all alone on the floor. And I almost stepped on it and then I touched it and then it cried on the train and I think they’re scared and fuck, I don’t know.”

Warm hands support Goro’s as Ryuji wraps his own around them. 

“I think they said in school like if birds can’t fly then they get left. Took weak, or some shit, ya know?”

And Goro feels kind of silly because yes, of course, he knows such widely known information. And it’s stupid for him to feel so much pity for a weak little thing that’s too stupid to do the one thing needed for it’s survival— 

“Your chest is tight babe, take a breath.”

Goro obeys.

“I just couldn’t leave it,” he admits in a tiny voice. “I couldn’t leave them alone after looking at them. Seeing them at their weakest and just walking away.” 

Ryuji thumbs away the tear that snuck out when Goro wasn’t looking. 

“That’s because you’re a good person Goro.”

“You’re thinking of yourself.” 

“Well then we’re both good,” Ryuji kisses Goro’s cheek. “I would’ve done the same thing as you. Because we both know what it feels like for someone to see us hurting and then walk away.”

God dammit Ryuji. Goro leans in to kiss Ryuji with his whole heart this time, feeling the smug smile beneath his lips. 

“And lucky for this little guy, they’re getting a nice new set of parents that actually give a shit about them. I’ve actually fixed a broken wing before, so I’m quite the experienced Papa.”

Goro laughs at how Ryuji waggles his brows like a jackass, before melting under his boyfriend's bright grin. Even after all this time it still makes his heart flutter. And of course, Ryuji and his bleeding heart would have experience saving birds before. Of course he would go through the trouble of caring for something that needed so much work.

Ryuji had done the same for him after all. 

“Thank you,” Goro murmurs giving the blond one last kiss on the cheek. “Let’s go inside then before baby bird chirps up all the neighbors.”

“Can’t be any louder than the headboard in room 213. God they’re insufferable.”

“My, now that’s a five dollar word honey.”

“Shaddup.”

\---

It takes a month of trading shifts to care for their bird, lovingly named Captain Loki after mashing up the names of their two favorite Featherman TV show characters. Some nights when it feels like Goro is doing nothing right and he can’t sleep from nightmares, he looks in Captain Loki’s box and sees the improved health of their pet. 

His hands may have hurt others but now they’re being used to heal. 

When the wing is deemed ready to fly, Ryuji and Goro go back to the trail he’d found them on (seriously how do you do this shit?!) to release him back to his forest home. 

“Aw it’s like sending our kid to college.”

“Don’t party too much Captain, your father isn’t on salary yet.”

The bird takes off beautifully among the well wishes of the couple. And sometimes when the weather is particularly nice, Goro swears the bird that visits them on their windowsill is actually Captain Loki. 

Stranger things have blossomed from just a little kindness.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you thought :3  
> you can find me on twitter with the same @


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